ALPHA MALE

Recently, I got asked the following question, which has been coming up more and more lately:

"What's all this stuff about being a "cocky/funny" "Alpha" male? Is it true that "busting" on a woman and being "Alpha" is what it really takes to get the kind of hot women most men really want?" Look: there is nothing wrong, per se, with being cocky or commanding or challenging with a woman.  But being cocky and sarcastic, by itself , is not going to get you into a woman's arms or her bed, unless you happen to already be so good looking that she feels her naughty parts tingle just by looking at you . What being cocky and teasing a woman a little can do is get you past her initial, "Is this just another loser guy?" screening tests. It will get her attention, and hold it, for a little while. It will get you past her first set of screens and keep you talking with her, for a little while. But then, what do you do? Then, what do you talk about? Well, as I've taught hundreds of guys just like you over the years, you need to be able to lead the conversation into the topics and themes that are most likely to capture and lead her imagination and emotions. So you had better learn to drop the joking fairly quickly, and introduce those themes within the first 10 minutes of talking, or any woman good looking enough to have the choice will simply move on! Doesn't that just make sense? Leaders: Not Alpha "Boys!" Now, let's clear the next point up: It is not that women (at least the half-way emotionally healthy ones) like "Alpha" men, at least as defined by these "gurus" as men who are loud, pushy, and full of themselves.

The reality is that humans, male and female alike, respond to leadership. And leadership has little or nothing to do with silly, teenage, juvenile posturing

and high school games. So what is real leadership and how can it help you be successful with women?

Leadership is about having a twin set of skills that balance and complement each other.

1- Being able to strongly guide and set a strong direction.

2- Listening to the other person to find out where they are at and what moves them.

This is the ideal combination that, in fact, can make you powerfully attractive to women, and here's why: Nice Guy vs. Jerk — the False Choice Most Guys Wind Up Making! The problem is, we guys are given a false choice between two bad extremes, both of which can screw us up.

1- Be the "nice guy" The problem with nice guys is, they not only listen to a woman to find out where she is at, but they lose themselves in the woman's emotions. So, if she is upset, the nice guy becomes upset too. If she is a little bit anxious about proceeding further, sexually, the nice guy gets anxious himself, mistaking her anxiety for his own! He doesn't just listen; he loses himself in the woman. And of course, romantically, this spells disaster!

2- Be the "jerk" Now, jerks have no problem setting and holding a strong direction. The problem is, they don't care at all about how hard they have to step all over a woman's feelings to do so. So they wind up either attracting very damaged women, or damaging the women they do attract , bringing out the worst sides of even relatively healthy women . To win, the jerk has to make other people lose. And most of us are quite naturally repelled by such a bad choice!

Leadership: The True Skill and Challenge! The true skill set is being able to keep your own desire and intent strong, while at the same time recognizing, listening to, and gathering information about the women you wish to attract. When you can make women feel both listened to and led, both recognized and guided, then you will carry a "vibe" about you that no busting, sarcastic, "Alpha" loudmouth could ever even hope to imitate, much less realize and enjoy. Don't get me wrong. You can and should do all of this with and through a sense of fun and humor. But once the joking stops, the substance has to begin. And that substance is something much different than what these "Alpha" gurus have been telling you. The hidden secret of men who are successful with women.

One More Hidden Secret

Of The True "Alpha" Male! There is one more deeply hidden, seldom realized secret of true leadership that attracts even the hottest women in droves. It's the courage and self-acceptance to step into the world and try on new ways of thinking and acting, without any absolute certainty of success. I want you to think about this. Most people go through life terrified of making mistakes. They want certainty and absolute guarantees of success before they will even take a real step. Even if they are trying something they have never done before, they want to be certain first before they make a move. Doesn't that describe the reality, beneath the surface, of most people we know? So they wind up never being certain and never moving, because no one can know for sure what will happen prior to leaving the starting gate. That is why, when trying new ways of acting with women, it is much better to balance any fear with the simple thought, "Not dangerous, just new and different for me. Not failing, just something new and unfamiliar." Instead of trying to pump yourself up with false certainty (or by putting others down), just balance any fear with a quiet, natural acceptance that recognizes that the new and different always has some element of giving up a little bit of control. Instead of having to win, take on the belief that says, "I will either get what I want, or learn what I need to in order to get what I want or better the next time". This will help you carry a calm, balanced vibe, no matter what new effort with women you decide to take on. And you'll never have to put another person down in order to feel better about yourself. Women will sense that vibe in you and love it!